Fine – in a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well. (adverb)
of high quality.
“this was a fine piece of filmmaking”
synonyms: excellent, first-class, first-rate, great, exceptional, outstanding, quality, superior, splendid, magnificent, exquisite, choice, select, prime, supreme, superb, wonderful, superlative, of high quality, second to none. (adjective)
I’m fine – a complete and utter lie. (b.s.)
How many times have you found yourself being asked “how are you?” and your response is the classic “I’m fine”. How many times have you answered that question and all the while you silently hoped that the person who asked that question didn’t then say “are you sure” just so that you wouldn’t fall apart right then and there?
The truth is that you’re not fine.
You’re not fine, you’re not okay, and that is okay.
It is completely and unapologetically okay to have good days and bad days. No one is over the moon happy all the time. Some are down more than they are up and vice versa. The reality is that we’ve been programmed to ask how someone is doing and expecting them to say “I’m okay”, just as we’ve been taught to say “Bless you” and expect a “thank you” when someone sneezes. You don’t expect a curveball response because how many of us would honestly know how to react to that? How would you react to someone saying “I’m truly depressed right now” when you asked them if they were okay? How would you respond to someone saying “you know…I just can’t stop crying”…
Would you respond?
Or would you freeze up because someone finally told the truth about how they really felt? We’re bred in a society where we are trained at a young age how to handle our emotions and by handle I don’t mean correctly either. Young boys are constantly told to “stop crying” and “man up” from the moment they’re old enough to walk. Young girls are taught that they’re emotional because they’re women and we’re just overly sensitive in that way. So we cry. A lot. Because that’s okay for us and when a girl cries that’s just normal. These gender ideologies are so beyond wrong that it’s frightening. Boys do cry and it’s okay to be emotional as a male. It’s healthy and necessary to figure out how to work through those feelings and how to properly express them as opposed to bottling them up. Have you ever shaken a bottle of Coke and then opened it? I’m sure we all have…and we all know the result. That’s exactly what happens to our boys. Their emotions are trapped and shaken and jarred and pushed and pushed and pushed…until finally something or someone causes that top to come off and we’re left with a mess…Our girls cry and we cry…and cry…yet no one ever teaches us how to use our words and to handle those feelings that we have. Instead of crying, figure out the source of what’s getting to you and how to work through it. Tears are okay, but I need you to understand your feelings and let’s work through it.
But we don’t. And we can’t.
So we just say, “I’m fine”.
And we go undiagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, anxiety…the list goes on. Because we’re men and we don’t cry. And we’re girls so we just cry all the time. And that’s normal…normal.
It’s normal.
We’re fine.
We’re okay.
But we’re not.
Just once, when you ask someone how they’re doing, mean it. Really mean it. If you know they’re not okay and they’re not fine ask that looming question of “are you sure”. It may open the floodgates, but if it does, you’ve done your job in breaking the cycle of “I’m fine”. Allow them to vent and sometimes you don’t need to say a word. You just need to listen.